Tuesday, October 27, 2009

We hate HomeWork

The Best Way to CHEAT in EXAMS

# The long-sleeved shirt method

This approach is best used in the winter. Before an exam you should write a whole bunch of information you think is important on you forearms. Then put on a long-sleeved shirt to cover your arms. Make sure to get a seat in the middle of the room, so a teacher may not get a good look at you rolling up your sleeve for a minute. The rest is obvious.

# The hat trick

A very easy way to cheat on exams is to wear a hat (preferably a baseball one) forward. With your eyes concealed from a surveying teacher's view, you can glance over to the exam of the person next to you. The good old "wandering eyes method," but without the worries of the instructor saying "Keep your eyes on your own paper" because he cannot see your eyes. But beware of those teachers who walk around, make sure to sneak a peek at where they are to minimize your chances of getting caught. Jeff (*****@*****.edu) adds that, "At my school, the most popular way for guys to cheat was similar to your 'hat trick.' They would make a crib sheet, and then tape it on the underside of the bill. The way guys wear their hats so low on their heads, most of the teachers still haven't figured it out. Just be careful you don't tilt your head too far back or your notes will be revealed." And especially don't wear your hat backwards, then you can't read your notes.

# Desk notes

Very simple and to the point. There is one sure fire way to cheat on an exam, and that is to write on the desk. This is best used for math/science exams or some multiple choice. When the instructor is still not ready to start the exam, and you are still allowed to have books out, write a few quick notes on the desk. If the instructor comes by during the exam just push your papers over it, and when its all over just rub it off with your hand to destroy the evidence.

# Kleenex Method

Sometimes instructors have tissues on their desk. This mainly works sometime after a few people have turned in their exams. So during an exam make like you are sick: cough, gag, blow your nose, basically do anything to give you an excuse to get up and take a tissue from the teacher's desk. No teacher would ever say no to a student coming up and asking for a tissue. But while you're up there sneak a peek of the tests people already handed in. Remember what you saw and write what someone else already wrote, but be sure to footnote! Alexander (*****@*****) net says that, "another good way to cheat is to get some 'Puffs Extra Thick' tissues," and in them write information you don't feel like studying to remember, and use up a box or two of tissues on the test.

# The all-knowing TI-82

This method only works for classes in which a calculator is needed to do some of the math. Make sure to borrow a friends TI-82, or some other nice expensive graphing calculator if you don't own one. With this little gadget you can type in formulas, notes, even examples with step-by-step instructions. If you think you'll get caught, don't worry you won't. This method is fool-proof. Your teacher may know about possible cheating like this, but refuse to let him reset your calculator. This would erase all the contents of the calculator, instead argue that you have your life's work stored in it, and that it contains the launch codes for the US nuclear arsenal (Just make up something good). Some fella who goes by "MRF" (*****@*****.edu) sent this, "2 variations on the TI-85. I have a friend who is in the habit of taking his cellular phone out of his back pocket whenever he sits down so he doesnt crush it. You write notes in the alphanumeric memory location. Or: Timex Data Link Watch note mode. Nuff said." I guess so mrf!

# The buddy system

This is an old method that still is undetectable. Sit next to a friend who knows what is going on in class, or pay some stranger off, and take the test next to this person. When they finish, which will be way before you because you haven't got a clue as to what is going on, have them sit back and hold their exam up so you have full view of their answers. Copy away!

# Grab-bag method

Make sure to bring all of your notes to the exam. Get there early at least in time to have a lot of seats to choose from to sit in. Get your notes out and place your backpack on the floor by your feet. When the instructor calls for everyone to put their notes in their bags, be sure to place yours so that you can see your notes from taking the test. Pull the sides of your bag up so that it makes a protective wall around your notes so no one can see your notes but you. It's like taking an open book test, but not.

# Stress Relief

This method is similiar to the hat trick method, and was submitted by Ron (*****@gnn.com). During the exam sigh deeply as if you are so totally stressed out. Then procede to lean your head into the hand that doesn't have a pen. From the front this looks as if you are so stressed and frustrated that you are about to bust. Remember, teachers like to see students stress out on exams so this will can only help you. Meanwhile, your head is tilted directly at the person's paper next to you or across the aisle. You have to have good eyesight because you are looking out of the corner of your eye, but it is shielded from the instructor by your hand. If you wear contacts remember to clean them with the proper enzymes to make sure they are crystal clear. Or there is the occasional stretch. and yawn. really stretch back, arms in the air, yawn and close your eyes, turn your head to the side, and open the eye furthest away from the instructor. They will see one eye closed and assume the other is as well (they can't see it) you have about five seconds here to either check your answer off someone elses, or just get six or seven multiple choice answers! Using this with several more adventurous cheating methods will increase the success rate.

# Doublemint!

Here's a modification to the crib note method suggested by some fellow who did not give a normal name so I didn't know whether to include his alias (*****@netctrl.com). Everyone likes to chew gum, well except those weird people on the cinnaburst commercials, and depending on the teacher most will let you chew it in class. So before the test write all the information you think you will need, and even some you don't need, on the inside of your gums wrappers. When you get stuck reach for a piece of gum, chew and cheat away. No one will ever think that Wrigley's gum was an accomplice to your cheating, if they did than your teacher is very clever. Always keep one with no notes in case your teacher questions you, and you should offer him a piece of gum as a gesture of good faith. Tell him, "Ok I'll give you a piece, but how would some guy at the candy factory know what I needed to know for your test! Unless you know the guys at the factory and tried to set me up!" This also works well on cough drops with paper wrappers especially since a teacher usually has no problem with cough drops.

# Erase the Evidence

This was suggested by Chris (*****@*****.no) and complements many of the aforementioned standard cheating techniques. If you don't know a THING of the subject of your exam, it would be wise to have a friend (that knows the subject pretty well, or is easily bought) write down the nessesary 1,2,3's or years on a eraser or paper inside a pen, and have you borrow it. In fact, Chris claims to have tested this method under very strict control lab experiments, and it has been proven to work repeatedly. A rular or back of a calculator or dictionary works well too, but the eraser can leave no trace, just start erasing, and "poof" any evdence has vanished. Sam (*****@*****.com) writes that his "method is fairly simple, but it works. If your school has desks with a polished surface, "write" necessary data on desk using eraser or (my preferred method) the sweat of your hand. You can only "read" data if you look at desk from certain angle (reflection of light). I have yet to meet a teacher who had any clue of what I was doing.

# The crib sheet

There is always the age old method of using a crib sheet. To do this you need to take an tiny piece of paper, say smaller than a 3x5 index card and jam every piece of information that you think will come in handy on it. Bring it to the exam, and keep it hidden either with the exam papers or in the palm of your hand. The Phantom (*****@*****.uk) adds that a very effective way to conceal a crib sheet is to wrap your wrist with some gauze or bandage. You can write on the bandage or slip a crib note in their. He goes on to say that another good way to cheat is to hide crib notes inside the casings of a pen that unscrews. Nihilist (*****@*****.net) writes us about how he and the *entire* rest of my class got through 3 years of Japanese with straight A's and not knowing ONE DAMN THING with many of the cheating methods we proudly feature here at the Cheaters Paradise (Now I just want to get one thing straight, this site has only been up since mid-May, and only started to gain some recognition since school began). But this site is missing one that's served this guy well, so we decided to let this fella let everyone in on this cheat. "You need to buy a clear bottle of your favorite beverage (Mountain Dew, Coke, Dr. Pepper, etc.) and carefully peel off the label wrapped around it. Then tape a big crib sheet (or whatever) around the outside and then glue the label back. As you drink your beverage down you get your answers and the instructor will never be the wiser." I must say, that I like it, otherwise it wouldn't have been added. And just so you don't think I'm tooting my own horn, here's this guy's homepage. And "The Swamp Thing," and because that was so original I'm gonna tell everyone your name is Darwyn (*****@*****.ca), decided to make me aware that there is also the old hide-your-crib-notes-under-a-patch-trick (Well just to clear the air, I have never heard of this method, but after reading it I can honestly say I wish I had). For this method you simply attach patches to your jeans on 3 sides to make a secret pocket, and the crib sheet hides inside! He also wanted to make the following Public Service Announcement, "Remember, you are only cheating yourself!" Well Al Bundy says, "It's only cheating if you get caught," and he scored FOUR touchdowns in a single game, so there!

# The Watergate Tape

This was submitted by Ed (*****@*****.com) and it is a variation of the long sleeve method. Write your answers on masking tape and put it in the inside of the cuffs of your jacket/shirt. Leave the cuffs unbuttoned (You don't have to scrub this off after the test like the arm method, all you do is peel the tape and throw it away). You can also put tape inside your lapels, on your socks (Cross your legs and pull your pants legs up until you see the notes. This works very well. If the teacher thinks that you are writing on your arm, all you do to prove her wrong is to push up your sleeves. Just make sure you don't have hairy arms otherwise this may hurt a bit. Robin Williams, if you're reading this, don't try this at home!

# Pre-emptive strike

Also submitted by Ed, this one requires a room decorated with alot of posters, art, projects and such. Remember there is no "I" in "team". Gosh, all those Sesame Street episodes about "cooperation" really paid off! Since this is a real account, this is exactly what Ed said: "We had several people in on this one (Mid term exams). One person made a poster of latin verbs that we were going to have to have on our test (It was announced ahead of time) and placed it in a strategic area in the classroom just prior to the 1st Period bell. When we came in at 6th period (the last of the day), our proud poster was still in place. About half of the class copied from the poster and blew the curve. After class, the teacher discovered the poster, but could not retest about 100 students because we had already left for Christmas break. Man was she smoked." How sweet it is! Looks like Christmas, or Hannukah, or Kwanza (I'm not sure if these are spelled correctly) came early for this bunch of students.

# Like the back of my hand!

"I couldn't believe u forgot the age-old method of writing whatever information you think you'ld need on your hand!" screams Debbie (*****@*****.com.sg). Well she was talking about the simplest cheat of all, writing on the palm that of your hand. A am sorry I forgot it, but it ain't easy making sure all these cheats get posted. Though this one may be risky, because it's so damn obvious, it is still an old stand-by.

# Whisper Those Sweet Nothings

Mark (*****@*****.com) reminds us about the easiest method of all, to just talk to your classmates outside of the exam. "If there are two classes for the same course, ask the people in the other class what is on the test. This has worked very well in high school, but I'm not sure if it would be any good in university." Well it does work, mostly in entry level courses, but hey, that makes Freshman year even more fun.

Posted via web from sdn's posterous

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